I've been on maternity leave for 13 weeks.
I cried all day today.
I think I want to go back to my job. I know I want to be home with my baby. My husband and I are giving it the summer to decide what to do.
Our sweet babe is going to my mother-in-law's tomorrow and every Monday and every other Friday until August. After August, the plan gets sticky.
Baby's got a nanny Tuesday through Thursday. This nanny is 21. She is VERY, VERY young. She seems very, very young, too. She says things to my baby like, "That's cool, huh?" I fear his first word will be "Cool!" I suppose there are worse things. She's overall nice, but still a stranger in my home cuddling my baby. We are also paying this nanny a small fortune to watch our baby. She is costing us WAY more than a full week of day care. Plus we had to buy Dropcam(s) today to make sure she's not ignoring our baby and Facebook messaging all day.
Day care in Denver is outrageous. Is it like this everywhere? We've been on waiting lists for two day care facilities since August, when I was three months pregnant. We were told it would be no problem. We'd get in. We did not. In fact, a spot opened up at the center of our choice in late June. Unhelpful when you're going back to work on May 12. My FMLA is drying up here and I have no care for my child...
It feels like a disaster, but it's really not. It could be worse.
Say a little prayer for me as I wedge my poor callused feet back into patent heels tomorrow morning and my husband drops our sweet child off with his mom for a day filled with bottles of breast milk and no mom or dad in sight.
I've been away from my baby no more than three hours since the moment he was born.
My heart is breaking.
I have to get up twice tonight to pump so I can't write too much more...but follow along as I suck it up and go back to work.
